5 Questions to Ask HR About Parental Leave
This is part 4 of my 5 Questions to Ask series, where I go through various topics related to pregnancy, babies, and the transition to parenthood, and give first-timers a list of questions you can ask the experts as you go through the various stages and prepare to welcome a baby into your life. Because you don’t know what you don’t know, and don’t know what to ask if you don’t know what you don’t know. You can read the earlier topics on breastfeeding, newborn photography, and general pregnancy here.
If there’s one thing we can agree on when it comes to parental leave, is that it’s universally unfairly short in our country. Whether you’re an actress like Jenna Fischer (read about her return to work 5 weeks after a Caesarean in her book The Office BFFs), a teacher (better plan your baby for summer break or you’re in trouble), or work for a giant government organization (my own experience), nobody gets enough time. And then when you return to work, the transition back in can be… challenging… to say the least. In an effort to soften that blow for you, I have a list of questions for you to ask your HR representative as you prepare, because each person’s situation is going to be different.
1) Paid and unpaid leave.
Questions to ask: How much paid leave am I entitled to? How much of my leave will be unpaid? Do I have to use my own banked leave, or is there a parental leave plan with included leave? Is there a bank of leave that good-hearted colleagues can donate to, that I can borrow or take from if needed?
Don’t go purely on colleagues’ experiences on this. At my old job, I was granted 10 weeks of paid leave, while some colleagues were able to take 6 months of paid leave. Not all jobs are created equal. Knowing what you have to use of your own sick and vacation time will be helpful as you plan. Pro tip: if your annual leave is set (not earned throughout the year, like my old job), make sure you leave enough time for planned and unplanned doctors’ visits after the baby is born. Particularly if you’ll be using childcare after you return to work, where your baby will be exposed to all the lovely germs this world has to offer.
It’s also good to have your partner check on this for themselves, so they can stay home with a sick baby some days, too.
That last question about the bank of leave is a good one to ask, because it’s rarely advertised. If you ask ahead, you can put it in your back pocket (or not) and know what has to happen to activate it.
2) What happens if my baby comes early?
Sub-question: what happens if they come REALLY early? Sub-sub-question: what happens if they come late or on time, but I can’t work leading up to the delivery?
Babies come when they’re ready. Sometimes that means they come early. Sometimes VERY early (I see you, NICU parents). Sometimes they come on time or late, but your body is unable to do both the baby growing and also the job you’re paid to do, and you have to be out of work earlier than you planned. What happens with your leave at that point? Ask. Ask all those sub questions.
3) Transition (sung to the tune of “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof)
Who is responsible for my job duties while I’m gone? What is the transition plan for when I go out and when I return? Who is responsible for putting this plan together?
Ask all these questions. But I hate to tell you, the person responsible for putting together the plan for work to carry on while you’re gone is probably you. Consider it good practice for parenthood, where you’ll be responsible for planning for other people for the next 18ish years. But it’s also something that can take a good amount of time to put together, so make sure you ask with lots of time left to accomplish it. (Also, if the person putting together the plan is not you, you probably definitely want some say in that plan.)
Some tips for what to include in your plan, if you have the freedom to do so:
The plan for who will do what parts of your job while you’re gone (don’t put your entire job on one person - they have their own job to do as well)
The resources those people will need to be successful at your job (it will make them appreciate you far more to know the nuance that goes into your position)
The plan for you to transition back into your role at the end of your leave, taking into account any annual cycles and projects that will need to be done or put on hold
Bank in time to take it slow when you get back. You will be sleep deprived and will be completely out of rhythm when you return. Schedule meetings with each person taking part of your job, and don’t take back that part of the job until you’ve had the meeting to get you reacclimated.
Do not include yourself in your out plan. For example, don’t say “Allison will continue to check emails while out on leave.” Because you can’t, and you won’t, and a lot of times, it’s actually against the rules for you to work while out on documented leave. (FMLA has real boundaries.) If it’s a part of your job that has to be done, it needs to be assigned to someone else in the interim.
Do not expect to hit the ground running. Give yourself some grace for the emotions that will accompany you back to work. And the emails. There will be a lot of emails.
4) Return to work accommodations.
After I return, if I plan to breastfeed and need to pump every 3 hours, where will I do this? How do I request a private space and storage facilities for milk (as required by VA law), and/or accommodations to my schedule?
The world of breastfeeding is fraught. The world of pumping at work is tear-inducing (please raise your hand if you ever pumped in a closet beside industrial cleaners during your lunch break - *raises hand). Even the most accommodating supervisors have a limit to what they can (or have to) provide, and “time” is something you’re going to have find yourself, a lot of times. It’s a real, stressful part of returning to work. Not to mention the stress of what happens if you miss a pump and don’t have enough for your baby for tomorrow. Or what happens to your body if you miss a pump. It is doable, though, in a lot of cases. You will need to advocate for yourself and practice holding boundaries (“sorry, I have a hard stop at 3pm” “No, I cannot move my pump session to accommodate that meeting.”). You can do it.
5) How is it possible that an entire workforce of child-bearing-age adults just accept the parental leave policies for what they are, and don’t completely revolt out of sleep-deprived rage?
You may not want to ask this. Or maybe you do. Maybe there’s a secret society at your place of employment that is ready to walk out in protest, and they just need you to help hold the banner.
I hope this helps you, as you plan and navigate the world that is Parental Leave and all the hazards that go with it. Next up on my virtual soapbox: lack of flexibility in work as a whole, and childcare. That’s a whole year’s worth of blog posts, I think.
Anyway. Click below to read up on the other topics in this series:
5 Questions to Ask When You’re Pregnant