It’s pretty easy for me to get anxious about the what ifs in an unknown situation. Not being able to foresee exactly what’s going to happen, when I’m by myself and responsible only for myself, is stressful. Throw kids into the mix, and there’s *really* no telling what’s going to happen. The desire to try to control the situation is strong.

If you planned a family, newborn, or maternity photo session, and have family members who are not as excited about it as you are, especially if it’s an investment that you saved up for, the anxiety can ratchet up pretty quickly.

If your partner knows how much you want this, and their default stress position is to try to protect you from disappointment, we’re now officially busting out of the metaphorical thermometer.

A gif of Squidward blowing his top like a thermometer bursting

Take a breath. Let’s lower the temperature. What you need is some guidance and reassurances that your photo session will be successful and turn out the way you want. Luckily, I have a list of do’s and don’ts for photo sessions, specially for parents.

I’m writing from a place of expertise here, not just because I’ve photographed hundreds of children since 2011, and have *seen* some *stuff;* but also because I am a parent of two kids, and have *seen* some *stuff.*

(I am currently writing this from the couch on my laptop with my youngest suddenly and unexpectedly home from school. I know how to pivot. Also my above metaphors about temperature and thermometers might be slightly based on my current reality.)

A mom buries her smiling face into her son's cheek while he grins at the camera. They're wearing coats.

I have lots of experience from both sides of the lens, and I can empathize with your anxiety while giving you ways to combat it.

So, here are some things to do:

Get excited and share your excitement with your kids. Kids love to know what’s happening, too, and they’ll probably have questions. This is meant to be a fun time together, something you all look forward to, so frame it like that for your family.

On the day of our session, turn off screens 20 minutes before our session to allow them time to detox and readjust to the real world before I arrive. Turn on music for a dance party to get wiggles out or switch up the vibe. Music can help slow down and calm your brain (depending on your genre choice, of course).

Eat a snack. Avoid hanger in everyone. Here are some suggestions for “cleaner” snacks to eat if you’re worried about spills and mess.

Two toddlers eat crackers and make each other laugh with silly faces at their kitchen table during a family photo session.

Keep your kids safe during the session. Sometimes kids will want to show off their jumping/running/climbing skills for me and I will let them, up to a point. You know your kids and their abilities better than I do, so I’ll rely on you to tell them/help them to get down if they’re climbing somewhere unsafe, playing somewhere they shouldn’t, or headed toward disaster. If you see what’s happening and you’re uncomfortable with the safety of it, please speak up.

Now for the hard part: embrace letting the kids (safely) lead the session. That goes for what they wear, their footwear if we’re outside, what toys they insist on bringing/showing me, what activities they want to do*, whether they need to eat a snack or go to the bathroom or otherwise need a quick break.

*If we are doing a Snapshot Session, which is a shorter, specific-activity-driven session, we’ll need to stay more on task, but even then, letting them have some choices can help whatever we’re doing go more smoothly.

A little girl holds a paint brush and stares at the camera in her dad's lap while he puts on her shoes. Mom's hand is lightly holding her other arm.

Now for the list of things not to do.

Parents tend to tell their kids no/don’t/stop a lot during sessions, out of the aforementioned anxiety/fear/need to control the outcome of the session. The fear that I’m going to judge or reject you, or your kids, or you because of your kids. And I get that, I have that same fear of judgement/rejection when we’re out in public or when we invite people over.

There’s also the fear that my kids (speaking from experience) will just fully ignore any adult that comes to the house. They may or may not do that on a regular basis, and it’s embarrassing every time as a parent. But as a professional who understands that kids can need a warm-up period before talking to strangers, I totally get it when your kids want nothing to do with me at first, and I don’t take it personally.

All of that to say, don’t worry about what I’m thinking if your kids misbehave. I’m probably not thinking that.

Dad comforts his daughter while she stares at the camera and holds her fluffy blanket. Her mom sits beside them and gently rubs her daughter's cheek.

Some other things not to do:

Don’t tell your kids to stop being themselves. They might be totally wound up and wild and crazy, and raising your blood pressure. But as long as they’re making safe choices, don’t fuss at them to knock it off when they’re excited and happy. It might make them calm down, but it also is likely to make them *shut* down, which may result in tears, anger, defiance, running away, disinterest in the rest of the session, or a full-on proclamation that they’re done.

It’s much easier for me to work with someone who is over-excited, hyper, or chaotic, than someone who wants to stick it to the man (you) by not cooperating at all because you hurt their feelings.

Two kids sit on a grassy hill in a grumpy mood facing away from each other. The boy has bread and is roaring, while the girl has her arms on her lap and is frowning to something off camera.

Another don’t: Don’t miss connecting with your kids in exchange for hopes of posed perfection. Your kids would much rather hang out with you than stare at the camera and say cheese. (That’s why you’re hiring me, after all. We don’t do “cheese.” We do natural interactions and connection.) If you pull them onto your lap, don’t pin their arms down and point at the camera; instead cuddle them into a hug, tickle their ribs, blow a raspberry into their neck, or whisper something funny into their ear. Play with them the way you normally do, and you’ll get photos that are naturally full of love.

A family of four cuddles and connects together during their family photo session. Mom squishes her son's face into a fishy face, while Dad and daughter laugh together beside them.

Last one: don’t forget that the point of all of this is to document your family’s life as it is right now, not some idealistic, unrealistic version of it where everyone acts exactly perfectly all the time. The goal is not to create a fake life, but to love and cherish the life you have, riotous children and all.

If this resonates, and having a session where you’re not expected to be perfect and have a perfect house and a perfect family (what does that even mean?), click here to contact me and let’s talk about what you do have, and what you want to remember about it.

Grandparents sit in the foreground on the porch, holding their newborn granddaughter. Mom kisses big brother's cheek behind them while Dad walks into the frame. Everyone is laughing.

A Parent’s Guide to a Successful Photo Session

Over-Thinking / Under-Doing